So given we’re already half way through 2004  it seems a good time to think about what you will accomplish for yourself in the next 6 months that will make this year a fabulous one for you.   Yes, I know, you already feel you have too much on your plate but I challenge you to think about  something really special you would like to do (or begin) by the time you sit down for Christmas lunch 6 months from now.

The intention of this month’s newsletter is to inspire and empower you to  2004 one that you will look back on with greater satisfaction than you’re currently on course to do.

Create A Wonderful Year!

Margie

 
WHAT IS THE QUALITY OF YOUR EXCUSES?

By Margie Warrell

First, let me ask you a question:

What aspect of your life don’t you feel really great about?

Is it to do with your job and the direction your career is heading, a particular relationship, how you feel about your physical fitness, how you manage your finances, where you live, or could it be the lack of balance you feel between your work and family?  Whatever it is I’d like you to think about something specific that you would really like to change or improve in an aspect of your life – big or small.

Now, with that in mind, ask yourself what you could do in the next 6 months that could make a real difference to how you feel about this area of your life. And then, imagine for just a moment how it would feel this Christmas lunch to feel so much better about this issue.

Aaaahh… but what’s that I hear you mumbling under your breath…. “ I don’t have time…  it doesn’t seem worth it… this is the way its always been… this is the way I’ve always been…  what’s the point of trying… I’m just too busy to focus on this right now….”  

Consider this for a moment that the quality of your life is determined by the quality of your excuses!

Now I’m not saying that you don’t have great reasons, a whole truckload of them probably, but the fact is that whilst you are prepared to “put up with” parts of your life not being the way you’d love them to be, without any firm and consistent actions to make them otherwise, you are selling yourself way short and missing the boat on all that your life could be.

In my work as a coach, I often find lies that what lies at the core of resistance to taking proactive actions is fear. Fear of failing, of being rejected, of looking foolish, of not having what it takes or being good enough.  If you experience a lot of self doubt, negative talk and fear about your inability to do what you’d like then consider the following.

Your fears are driven by a positive intention to protect you from pain. As humans, our fears have served the survival of our species otherwise we’d have been eaten by lions long ago. However these days, our physical survival isn’t the focus of our fear as much as our emotional wellbeing.  Our fears want to spare us from pain and discomfort … the pain of rejection, the pain of failing, the pain of feeling foolish in front of our peers.   The problem is though, that your fears want to protect you from pain AT ANY COST! Even the cost of living a half lived life where you settle for way less than you’d like simply because to grasp at more involves risk… risking failure, rejection and all those things that make you squirm.  

If we don’t own our own fears and self doubts they will own us. Instead of acknowledging them and how they may be trying to serve us we pretend we don’t feel them. Instead we look beyond ourselves to our external circumstances for the reasons why things aren’t as we’d like them to be and for our inaction to make them otherwise.  Ultimately we end up feeling resigned,  convincing ourselves that its better to stay with the status quo, despite its many shortcomings, than to try to make things different. But what great accomplishments have ever been undertaken with a guarantee of success?

Your fears wants to keep you in your comfort zone because in there, you aren’t at risk and you have what feels like perfect control. Life will be predictable and  may not be particularly exciting but at least it will be familiar!!!  Though there are things we’d like to do we often shy from taking on new challenges simply because we aren’t sure how to go about them and because there is no money back guarantee that we’ll succeed.  We get scared, we chicken out and we come up with some great excuses … a lack of opportunity, the economy, raising kids, the government, their lack of education, our parents (that one’s always a favorite!). 

The irony is that we are our own biggest roadblocks in life. Yes, the biggest obstacles we ever encounter in living our lives fully are our own internal obstacles, what we choose to think!  Yep, our fears and limiting beliefs stop us way waay before any external circumstances we may (or may not) encounter.  

Fear hates change, even change for the better, because all change means moving beyond the familiar and predictable into something new. Our fear of change can also explain some of the patterns of destructive behavior that keep us repeating the same experience again and again (e.g. staying in destructive relationships). We repeat the behaviour because its familiar and that’s where we are comfortable.  Is there another way? Of course but first we need to acknowledge why we have chosen to behave as we have in the past. The payoff that we’ve got from sticking with what we know and the excuses we’ve become so attached to for doing so.

Courage is not absence of fear but action despite of fear. If you want to live a life truly rich in all that fills your heart and expresses your own unique gifts and talents, you must be prepared to take a step beyond the familiar and leave your old excuses at the door. Only when we extend ourselves beyond what we know we are good at, beyond what we are sure we’ll be successful at, can we grow into all that we can be.

“Courage is only an accumulation of small steps”

George Conrad

You have all the courage you need inside you to transform your life into whatever it is that you want.  Sure, none of us just feel like ‘rocking the boat’ in our own lives but sometimes its just what we are called to do if we are going to live our lives fully; if we aren’t to deprive ourselves and the world of all that we can be. Sometimes we need to swim against the current; step up to the high board and dive deep and trust in our own ability more than we have before. I also know that in the big picture of your life you ultimately CAN NOT LOSE from stepping up to live a bigger life than the one you live now.

Okay, so what’s all this got to do with your next Christmas lunch?  Because I don’t want to be stopped by your excuses in doing whatever it take to transform your live into one you really love (excuses which may not really hold much water afterall).   Because I want you to live a life you love and be the best you can be. Because if you don’t not only are you missing out on your experiencing your greatness but, but so am I and so is everyone else and settling for “just okay” is NOT okay by me!

In the words of Samuel Johnston once said:

“Nothing great would ever have been accomplished if all possible objections had first been over come”

You see, there will always be excuses, plenty of reasons “why not” to live a little bigger, take a bit more risk, but where will that get you?  So I ask you…

If you had no fear of failing, what goal or endeavor would you love to accomplish (or embark upon) by Christmas?

Remember your life (and 2004) will be as BIG and as FABULOUS as you make it!   Here are a few tried and true steps to help you make 2004 one to remember!!!    

Margie is available to do key-note and workshops in your organization or association. Please contact her for a summary of her key speaking topics. For speaking testimonials please visit www.margiewarrell.com.

UPCOMING SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS:

Dallas Career Women’s Network: “Unleash Your Life: Overcome your fears and self doubts to get unstuck and live the life you really want!”  June 7th

Dallas Fort Worth Mid-Cities HR Managers Association: “Success Through Balance”, July 7th

Southern Methodist University,  Fall Lecture Series: “The Balancing Act” September 16^th

Los Colinas Executive Business Women’s Association: “Success Through Balance” September 16th